I promised you a blog post today and I thought about it all day. All day. I wonder why I haven’t written before sunset. What was I avoiding? Your blog from Buenos Aires featured moments that filled me with a genuine connection to your experience and the bigger cultural scene. What moments do I have like that? So many are swirling in my head, but I don’t know which one to grab.
Okay, here’s one…
Today I looked at the torn banana tree leaves in my front yard. (I want to write #newnormal every time I mention things like banana trees in my front yard, but I will try to refrain from getting too hastag-y) So I noticed that not all leaves on the tree were ripped. The ones that I felt looked “normal” ala rainforest-normal were ripped and the ones that were intact looked odd. I instantly thought about how humans are normalizing our torn selves day in and day out. To the point that it looks strange to see a fully intact leaf. Then I mentally said “uggh” because I know I’m corny and then vowed to never mention these thoughts in writing. #hypocrite
So my front yard, my new normal and my recently identified hypocritical ways all steer me to this space; my first blog post from Costa Rica. I have stopped writing about my life here (21 days so far) because there are sooo many moments, from 5am sunrise to 6pm sunset, that warrant mention or analysis. I worry about which insights will interest my hypothetical readers. Oh, and in addition to the endless parade of epiphanies, what if I have an a-ha moment that clings to the rusty bumper of one of my new friend’s life? How do I talk about the pivotal scenes where I confront my self-worth, inner compass, or aversion to gossip in the same space occupied by nice people who didn’t agree to be co-stars of my written revelations?
I dunno. I really have no idea how folks navigate these realities AND have normalcy.
I think I need to release it all. I need to forgive myself in advance if my deepest insights come across as corny and my personal growth snuggles up to awkward interactions with well-meaning folks.
Maybe it’ll all work out. In the end, it’s just a freaking blog. Either no one will read it or everyone will love it. The third option of some people loving it and some people hating it is not a real option…right?
So with love and devotion to my sister-in-law, Jenny, I’m going to authentically commit to this published diary format for a while. I’m going to give an autobiographical exposé blog a spin for at least a week or two and see if I feel liberated or gross. I’ll tell you about my bedroom with no walls, my insane motorcycle solution, double solitaire meditation, and horror-movie howler monkeys.