Right before Easter a man carrying a large cross-like structure came into my front yard and stuck the heavy beam in the ground. He brought up a range of emotions in me that I didn’t expect. My Catholic upbringing made me think about the crucifixion, but my logical mind focused on the current events of my life. It felt uncomfortable that a stranger announced to my entire neighborhood and to any passerby that I didn’t want to live in this house anymore. He outed my intentions to leave. He told everyone about the plan I was still getting used to myself. He brought up some hints of fear and doubt that I’ve been keeping in check. I suddenly wondered, now that it was so public, if I/we were making the right decision. I started to get that icky, queasy rumble in my belly.
Why was I nervous?
Because I was doing something that required growth.
It’s the same feeling I experienced when I started a new school in middle school, high school, college, and grad school. It’s the scared wave that washes over me whenever I try something different. It’s the shaky mindset I always experience as a new choice gets closer and closer.
Did my discomfort compel me to ask the man to take the sign out?
Did I decide to back out of the plans, commitments, and new experiences that awaited me on the horizon?
In my life, I feel scared and I do it anyway.
I have some tricks I use, and they work, but it’s not a 100% fix for nerves.
One trick I use is I tell myself that my fear is actually excitement. I remind myself of the adventure to come. I reassure myself that it’s just one decision in a long/short lifetime. I remember that this situation is hardly tragic, dire, or dangerous.
Actually, my life is fun, easy, and successful.
I look at this sign in my yard, this symbol, this announcement…and I think about the opportunity I’ve been given. I can choose to live bigger, experience new things, and grow more than I would if I stayed.
I’m scared (excited!) and maybe that’s okay.
This latest round of shifting started when I wrote my first book, left my teaching job, started a new company, and began homeschooling my teenage son. I was scared every step of the way, but I did it. I didn’t die. I didn’t hurt my family. My son was okay (and now he’s back at school). I learned a ton.
Here we go! I’m moving my whole family of five to Costa Rica once we sell our house. I’m continuing my VoicePenPurpose work as a writing coach for established entrepreneurs who are ready to write their first book. I’m launching a destination writing retreat business in the mountains and on the beach of CR. I’m leaving the USA, and a butt-load of family and friends, behind in favor of the howler monkeys in the rainforest, the local volcano that doesn’t erupt “that often” and the Ticos and Expats of Nuevo Arenal.
It’s kind of scary.
But that’s what this season is all about:
Welcoming everyday miracles.
And loving everyone you meet along the way.
Happy Easter and Happy Spring…bring on the fear, the questioning, the excitement, the growth, and the connection to everything this lifetime can provide.
#voicepenpurpose #AmyRBrooks #puravida #scared #excited #life